A charismatic woman with a rare inner glow makes others feel special. As author Frank Cabane writes The charisma myth“Charismatic people choose specific behaviors that make other people feel a certain way, and charismatic leaders know how to make others feel heard.”
When it comes to having an inner glow, it’s that simple.
Women with a rare inner glow tend to do these things almost effortlessly:
1. She makes people feel important
Women with an inner glow are genuinely fascinated by what you have to say, and often prefer to talk about you rather than themselves. They are willing to be honest with you and ask thoughtful questions about you, as if you were the most important person in the world. You feel warm and fuzzy while talking to them.
To sharpen your listening instrumentsPractice being as present as possible. Don’t just wait until it’s your turn to speak when someone else is speaking, and certainly don’t start rehearsing what you’re going to say next; then you get out of the way and miss what they have to say. Look people in the eye during your conversation and nod when necessary so the speaker knows you are empathetic to what they are saying.
Don’t start the chat with some agenda for the direction you want your conversation to go, because if you actively listen and contribute to the conversation, a satisfying direction will take shape naturally. For additional tips, see The lost art of listening by Michael P. Nichols.
2. Women who shine make people feel seen
It’s one thing to be good at public speaking, but that ability can also transition into being excellent at one-on-one conversations. Radiant women know how to speak succinctly and get their point across clearly, while magically putting you at ease. To practice your speaking skills, go to Toastmasters Internationalallowing people from all walks of life to get their high-profile gaming face.
3. She owns who she is
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Women with a rare inner glow know how to rock what they have. Instead of approaching their appearance negatively or dwelling on everything they don’t like about themselves, they focus on putting their favorite traits front and center.
Think of that acquaintance of yours with the perfectly placed highlighter that shows off her beautiful cheekbones, or the woman whose signature look is all about gorgeous dresses that accentuate her big shoulders—when they walk into the room, they are who we want to be. If your main goal when shopping for new clothes is to find things that hide features you don’t like, then it’s time for a big change.
Forget that “flaw” and instead think about what you like about yourself so you can focus on highlighting it. To dig deeper into this, perfect a killer blowout at home and learn how to style your hair in a way that makes you feel like your most fabulous self. Then become a pro at choosing the perfect clothes for your body type.
4. She is confident and approachable
Body language speaks volumes about who you are. Charming people glide into a room with confidence, but they don’t necessarily hog the spotlight. While a leader may want to take the strongest stand they can think of, a woman with an inner glow wants to make sure she remains approachable and relatable.
Part of all that charisma is about making others feel important. When someone talks to you, turn your knees or face him or her so he or she knows you are engaged. If you want to dive deeper into your body language, check out The definitive book on body language by Barbara Pease or this great TED talk about how body language helps shape you.
5. She radiates positivity, but not the toxic kind
People are drawn to the most positive source in the room, so if you have a smile and a good attitude to share, you’re in good hands. Feeling truly good about life is no easy feat and is a different process for everyone, but if you want to take a little self-help approach to feeling a little better, start with some of these articles:
When in doubt, take some advice from Elle Woods and get some endorphins: “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.”
6. Women with a rare inner glow hold people’s attention
You all know that one friend who lights up a room with the retelling of a simple story, making every moment come alive and keeping you on the edge of your seat with laughter and excitement. Good storytelling is an art – and a lost art at that. Building your confidence and speaking skills will help with this, but another great way to tell more vivid stories is to take an improv class.
It will take you out of your comfort zone and get you used to thinking on the spot and making stories come to life. If you live in a big city, try favorites like UCB Theatre, The Second CityAnd Bay Area Theater Sports. If none of these are near you, a quick search on Yelp should point you in the right direction: there are a lot more improv schools than you think!
7. She’s confident – or at least pretends to be
Not surprisingly, confidence is attractive – and that includes having the confidence it takes to be vulnerable. One of the things that makes women with a rare inner glow so attractive is that they don’t constantly feel the need to intimidate others and are willing to align with you.
Letting go of the need to create a false impression to make that happen only comes from feeling good about who you are. Fake it ’til you make it or build your confidence from the ground up, but no matter what, believing in yourself is vital. When in doubt, remember: you’re probably already glowing much brighter than you think. So go out and shine.
Claire Hannum is a writer and former editor for SELF and The Frisky.
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