Emily Ratajkowski opens up like never before about the emotional fallout of her divorce, her fears around single motherhood and the dating phase that followed, which she now describes as a conscious reinvention of herself.
In a candid new essay, the model and actress reflected on the breakdown of her marriage to ex-husband Sebastian Bear-McClard and the whirlwind romantic chapter that followed, in which she was linked to everyone from Harry Styles and Pete Davidson to DJ Orazio Rispo and Eric Andre.
Emily Ratajkowski also made a shocking confession about her post-split sex life, admitting she set out to transform herself after years of trying to fit in with what she thought men wanted.
Ratajkowski and Bear-McClard tied the knot in a courthouse wedding in 2018 and welcomed son Sylvester Apollo Bear in March 2021. But according to the 35-year-old, cracks began to appear in the relationship shortly after he became a parent.
In the essay for The cutshe wrote that “in a period that felt both instantaneous and excruciatingly slow, my marriage fell apart. Six months after my son was born, my husband and I stopped having sex. Less than a year later, we separated.”
The couple officially separated in 2022 amid rumors surrounding Bear-McClard’s alleged infidelity. Ratajkowski appeared to fuel the speculation herself after reportedly liking a tweet that read: “can’t believe that little b-tch cheated on emrata.”
Bear-McClard, a film producer known for collaborating with the Safdie brothers and producing projects including “Uncut Gems,” later faced controversies of her own. In March 2023, reports emerged that he had faced “grooming” charges and was fired from the Safdie brothers’ production company, Elara Pictures.
At the same time, he reportedly navigated mediation with the Safdies, in addition to divorce proceedings and a custody battle with Ratajkowski.
Ratajkowski says she hated being pitied after her divorce
While navigating the public unraveling of her marriage, Ratajkowski admitted that one of the hardest parts was how people saw her after the breakup.
“I hated the condescending way people looked at me in the wake of my breakup. Their furrowed brows, the pity on their faces as they gave an ‘I’m so sorry, Emily,'” she confessed. “I couldn’t stand my pathetic reflection in their eyes. They saw me as someone who was unwanted, who had been left behind. A rejection with the burden of a needy, hungry, six-foot-tall sidekick.”
The actress revealed that she had long feared becoming a “single mother,” writing that the idea had terrified her since childhood because she associated it with “no freedom, no choice, no escape.” But when she unexpectedly found herself living the reality she once feared, Ratajkowski said she reinvented herself into a completely different person.
Emily Ratajkowski admits she wanted to replace ‘Madonna’ with a ‘Wh-re’
After her split, Ratajkowski entered what she described as a period of “compulsive dating” and adopted what she framed as a villain-like persona in an attempt to regain control.
“The character I had learned to embody after my divorce, during my period of compulsive dating, was a villain: Poison Ivy. Catwoman. Sexual but terrifying. And she drank gin martinis. Many, many gin martinis,” she wrote. “She wasn’t tragic. Nothing close to a victim. No one needed to feel sorry for her. In fact, they should all be jealous.”
The “I Feel Pretty” actress admitted that her post-divorce phase marked a dramatic departure from how she previously approached relationships. Before her marriage ended, she said she had only slept with “eight people”, all of whom she was “pretty sure would fall in love with me because I would feel valuable.”
Reflecting on long-held beliefs about relationships and intimacy, she explained that she once believed men “didn’t fall in love with, want forever with, raise babies with, or take care of sl-ts.”
Eventually, though, she said she decided to embrace a completely different version of herself. “I decided to f-ck myself into a new kind of woman. I wanted to destroy the Madonna, the special girl I’d worked so hard to be before an eight-pound baby tore my v-gina in two, and replace her with wh-re,” Ratajkowski wrote.
Ratajkowski shares explicit details about her dating life
The model also offered readers an unfiltered look into her post-divorce dating experiences, including a particularly explicit encounter with a man she described as having a “nasal stony voice” and wearing “bright hoodies” with “disgusting gold jewelry” that made him look like a “walking, talking Myspace page.”
After returning to her apartment, Ratajkowski admitted that she “found me on my knees in front of him” and felt “particularly pleased with his expression as he looked down at me.” “He couldn’t believe I put his d—ck in my mouth. He told me I looked like Cleopatra when I gave head. I had found everything I had come there for, a mantis devouring her mate,” she wrote.
However, her first post-divorce date apparently went far less smoothly. According to Ratajkowski, she dated a sober DJ who lived near what had once been her marital home. She claimed the man bizarrely opened the date by explaining that incest “actually runs in my family” before sharing a story involving his mother and sister walking in on him masturbating to a p-rn he described as “some sibling sh-t.”
“That was my introduction to the dating scene. I didn’t fuck him, okay?” she wrote, later admitting that he was “an anomaly.”
Emily Ratajkowski reveals surprising discovery about men after becoming a mother
She also described a fling with an “older Millennial” that her friends called “ugly” and explained that she tolerated his “dirty talk” because she enjoyed the confidence boost of being wanted more than she wanted him.
Ratajkowski further revealed that she came to believe that “many men are turned on by motherhood” because they had “experienced the loneliness that comes with years of selfishness” and were “attracted” to “self-sacrifice.”
“Would they want me as their mother? Maybe,” she added.
Now, through her essay, Ratajkowski looks to finally reclaim the narrative surrounding one of the most scrutinized chapters of her personal life.
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