As society developed, rules have changedbut some people long for the past and want to bring back old-fashioned etiquette rules that we shouldn’t have given up. As these old-fashioned rules have become outdated for many younger people, we’ve slowly started to see the impact – for better or worse, you judge – of not being raised with the same basic manners that Baby Boomers grew up with.
From embarrassing public shouting matches to cutting lines to spending all their parents’ money, many older people have lost hope that those good manners are gone forever for today’s youth. (Meanwhile, younger people say this is indeed true the older people who are the problem; you decide.) Fortunately, all is not lost, and these are rules that we can slowly begin to apply again in our daily lives by choosing which rules make sense for us in today’s ever-evolving world.
Here are old-fashioned rules that Boomers respected that unfortunately mean almost nothing to today’s young people:
1. Addressing people by their titles
In the past, it was normal to call someone Miss, Mr or Mrs, and it usually depended on your marital status. Unfortunately, the long-standing practice of referring to someone as ‘ma’am’ or ‘sir’ has become a bit old-fashioned, with people, especially the younger generations, simply starting a conversation without addressing someone by their title.
People nowadays often say hello in a much more informal way (Hey, buddy), without showing even a little bit of respect. But the first impression you make has a bigger impact than you may realize. According to one study published in Social CognitionIt’s much harder to shake off a bad first impression than it is to lead with a good first impression. That said, it’s not impossible to undo a bad first impression. Being consistent and respectful is the difference between being liked and being seen as rude.
2. Asking permission
Whether it was holding hands, kissing, or asking to “hold tight,” society followed the old-fashioned etiquette rule of asking permission before moving forward in a romantic relationship. This was considered considerate and made the difference between being well-mannered or not.
Times have certainly changed since then, with a modernized version of ‘asking permission’ becoming a much more casual ‘what are we’ conversation. Even though some people have claimed asking for permission for every last thing has ruined the spontaneity of romanceasking permission before moving forward (or at least getting on the same page) in a romantic situation, as the young children saymakes everyone feel safe and comfortable, and that both parties feel respected.
3. Offer a seat to the people around you
Jack Chen/Unsplash
This is not unusual in countries like Japan see a special seat reserved for those who are pregnant or the elderly. Unlike most of modern society, many other countries understand that certain people should be given priority for seating. However, this sentiment was normal many decades ago.
Especially among young men, people never blinked as they rushed to get up and escort an older woman to their seat on the bus. In fact, it was considered proper, and men were expected to stand, while women, children or the elderly sat comfortably. (Nowadays, many women don’t want men to hold the door open for them, claiming that they can do it completely on their own.) While people traveling on the subway can still see these kinds of genuine acts of kindness, it may be an old-fashioned rule that we would be wise to bring back on the grounds of basic kindness, not female oppression.
4. Send thank you notes
Decades ago, people weren’t that materialistic or superficial, but thanks to capitalism, it seems we can’t get enough of material things. In old-fashioned times, people did not care about receiving money; rather, they were concerned with the thought behind the action.
As a result, they were able to better recognize the effort made and send a heartfelt thank you card for their gratitude. This was a common gesture to thank someone for their generosity and to show appreciation. Knowing this, we need to bring back the habit of thank you notes (even an email or text thank you is better than nothing) because it has countless benefits beyond just being seen as something nice to do.
5. Offer help without being told to do so
Whether it was an elderly person crossing the street or someone needing help carrying groceries, people had good manners to extend a hand without being asked. At the time, it was considered normal to help someone without even thinking twice about it.
Unfortunately, this etiquette rule has disappeared, as many people today are often too scared or paranoid to offer help to a stranger. But when you consider how dangerous the modern world is, it’s not that surprising. It may seem impossible to get out of the way of a stranger, but there’s no denying that huge benefits of being kind.
6. Make a good introduction
Unsplash+ Community / Unsplash+
Although it seems obvious, many people forget to introduce themselves or others when meeting someone new. They may start speaking before they’ve properly introduced themselves – or even introduced the people they’ve come with – and while this is an unfortunate mistake, it’s worth fixing for the sole fact that it’s fun to greet people by name, and also to be greeted by name, as a way to make everyone feel more welcome.
7. Apologize in person
It’s only human to make mistakes and make mistakes every now and then. Everyone has said or done something that he or she regrets. Unfortunately, sincere personal apologies are an old-fashioned practice that seems to have gone out of fashion, but one we should never have given up.
Saying “I’m sorry” has a huge impact on someone’s friendship or relationship. Not only does it allow the other person to move on, but it also reveals genuine remorse and acknowledgment of wrongdoing. But in today’s world, a personal apology simply does not exist. Many people use social media, texting or – gasp – DMing to express how they really feel.
Apologizing via text message may make the person receiving the so-called apology feel unappreciated, and the person apologizing may seem indifferent. It’s worth apologizing in person; even a phone call is better than nothing.
8. Don’t take off your shoes in public
When people get tired of the shoes they wear, whether from sweat or the material rubbing against their skin, they don’t always “suffer” from the pain. Instead, when people feel uncomfortable with the shoes they wear, they resort to walking around barefoot. While this is acceptable in the privacy of your own home, it is not only rude but also incredibly rude to do this in public.
If you’ve ever traveled by subway, plane, or public transportation, you’ve probably come across at least one person who has done this. It is best to keep your shoes on at all times.
9. Respect for the elderly
In many cultures, respect for elders is part of life. For example, in India, elders are a source of wisdom and tradition; in Korea people follow one of the Confucian values of filial pietywhere younger people show respect for elders.
While it may be an old-fashioned etiquette rule that we shouldn’t have given up, we can make an active effort to abandon ageism and respect people older than us, assuming they are owed it. (Many young people argue that respect should not be automatic, regardless of one’s age.) Elderly people are there to guide us through life and can provide us with plenty of opportunities to grow as people. Not only that, but elders have also been there to care and provide for their families. It’s time to repay the favor.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationship, career, family, and astrology topics.
Leave a Reply