My ex-husband has been married for two years. He treats his new wife well. It shocks those closest to us. It frustrates them to witness the inequality.
“You were so easy to get along with.”
“You never asked anything of him.”
“He made it look like you were working when you weren’t.”
They’re not wrong. I joke that I was the girl sitting next to him on the beach, say: pass the wine.
I was never the whiny woman, I was never demanding or difficult
Dragana Gordic / Shutterstock
You wouldn’t know it by the way he always made fun of me. It was kind of his nature. He is disrespectful and his humor can be based on making fun of people.
Yet it has shocked those who know us, and even our children. They don’t get it. Why is he different with his new wife? Especially if it sounds like she can be picky about certain things.
There’s nothing wrong with that. They just knew that I was the opposite. My ex-husband recently ran into someone I know.
“My wife is ten years younger than me,” he said. “She’s my retirement plan.”
And there you have it. The reason my ex-husband treats his new wife well.
But I already knew that. I knew exactly why he treated her differently than how he treated me. Honestly, they are also at the beginning of their relationship. They have known each other for four years.
But the money is the real reason.
My ex-husband cares about two things: himself and money
This realization contributed to the end of our marriage. When I became aware that our value systems were different, I did not recover. I couldn’t stay with a man who put these two things first in his life.
During our divorce it was played in stereo. It was an advertisement for himself and money.
His new wife contributes to the bills. He gets one of the most important things in life from her. Well, at least the most critical for him. He saves what he often referred to as “his” money. He is also preparing for retirement.
The longer she works, the less money he cuts through. It’s a victory for him. Money rules his world. There’s an absurdity in the way he looked at me. He pretends to be a self-made man. In reality, I built a business and real estate investments with him. I managed the money for most of our marriage.
I was the one paying the bills for our home, business, and rental properties. I made a huge financial contribution. He doesn’t see it that way.
Why? I eventually transitioned to being a stay-at-home mom. We either had to hire someone to replace me at home or in the business. Anyway, I stayed involved and managed the finances.
I increased our savings and paid bills. I was raised by a single mother, and I have a marketing background. I was incredibly good with money.
The way my ex-husband treats his new wife can frustrate those who love me. I love them for that. I not only love their loyalty, but also the fact that they see me for who I really am.
But it doesn’t frustrate me. If anything, it validates me.
It shows what I already know about my husband: money rules his world
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My ex-husband doesn’t appreciate a certain person. He appreciates every person from whom he feels he receives something.
His real character is constantly shown. He is a man who has been around for years hardly looked after his own children. His priorities were completely exposed during the divorce. He puts himself and money above all else.
Unless he gets something he wants. In that case, he will appear happy and loving. He’ll turn out to be a great guy. It will seem like he cares about an individual. I should know.
I spent years with a happy (diagnosed) narcissist. Until anger drove the narcissist out of hiding. He is an illusion.
I don’t care how he treats his new wife. I’m glad he no longer abuses me.
Colleen Sheehy Orme is a national relationship columnist, journalist and former business columnist. She writes about love, life, relationships, family, parenting, divorce and narcissism.
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